"OKAY. SOMEONE JUST SAID SEX MARATHON AND I CAME AS FAST AS I COULD (JUST LIKE EVERY TIME — HOW MUCH WOOD COULD A HUMMEL BOY SUCK IF A HUMMEL BOY WOULD SUCK WOOD? DEPENDS ON THE FANFIC ). WHAT? OH. OH, I SEE. YOU FUCKING FINISHED WITHOUT ME. YOU KNOW, I EXPECTED THIS SHIT FROM BLAINE ‘THE DAPPER DICK WONDER' BUT YOU BABY SMILES? COME ON. JUST FRIENDS DON’T LOOK ONE ANOTHER IN THE EYES WHEN THEY SWORD FIGHT SO SOMETHING ELSE IS GOING ON HERE AND I DON’T LIKE IT ONE BIT. I’M FUCKING OUT OF HERE. THAT’S THEM, LINDA. THEY’VE BEEN HUMPING ALL OVER YO SHEETS. YOU TWO DISGUST ME. ALL OF YOU DISGUST ME. THAT WOMAN WORKS 60 HOURS A WEEK TO SUPPORT HER THREE KIDS, SHE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO CLEAN NINE DIFFERENT ROOMS FILLED WITH NINE DIFFERENT KINDS OF MCKINLEY SEMEN (AND OTHER BODILY FLUIDS — LOOKING AT YOU QUINN AND SANTANA). GRAB YO BAG OF MINTS, LIDS, WE OUT.”
|Posted 1 year ago||43 notes|
|do the harlem shake|
DO THE HARL —
I HOPE THE GLEE WRITERS GET A HOLD OF YOUR FAVORITE OTP FROM ANOTHER SHOW AND THEY JUST CURB-STOMP ANY FEELS YOU’VE EVER FELT FOR THAT PAIRING INTO THE GROUND UNTIL ALL YOU FEEL IS ALONE AND USED.
I HOPE THEY SEASON TWO FINCHEL ALL OVER YOUR FACE.
|Posted 1 year ago||13 notes|
|Posted 1 year ago||2 notes|
"WOAH. AY YO. DON’T BE COMING ALL UP IN MY ASKBOX TELLING ME SHIT LIKE ‘QUINN AND SANTANA GOT IT ON' — I KNOW THEY BE GETTIN IT ON. THEY'VE BEEN LEZZ'ING (WITH TWO Z’S BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT TAKES TWO TO DO SOME ARTS AND ON YO BACKS. GET IT? ARTS AND CRAFTS? SCISSORING? I WONDER WHICH ONE’S THE PAPER) OUT SINCE SOPHOMORE YEAR. DON’T LET MOMMY THIGHS FOOL YOU WITH THAT ‘OH, I’VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE, THIS IS A ONE TIME THING' SHIT. YOU AIN'T FUCKING EXPERIMENTING. YOU AIN'T BILL NYE. YOU AIN'T GOT NO LAB COAT ON. BUT ANYWAY. COOL STORY. FEEL BAD FOR THE HOTEL MAID WHO GOTTA WASH THOSE SHEETS THOUGH. SMELLS LIKE A JOURNEY SONG IN HERE.”
|Posted 1 year ago||147 notes|
|Posted 1 year ago||34 notes|
A bit ago I completed a screenplay and it just won an award. Since whoever is still following this tumblr had to be at least be somewhat of a fan of my sense of humor, thought I would put a download link here if anyone wanted to check it out.
“Melissa Hall and Ellen Dash are the remaining remnants of the goth subculture of Brickdale High. Prom is coming up and both girls refuse to go stag to another dance so they do the only sensible thing and resort to the supernatural. The plan was simple — all they were going to do was reanimate a few corpses for dates, but the ritual performed goes horribly wrong and the Devil himself is summoned instead. Lucifer seems to only have eyes for another girl though. Now it’s up to the Zack Mitchell and his anxiety prone best friend, Nick Trader, to save their small town, Zack’s sister, and the world.”
Fair warning — it’s not in capslock.
|Posted 1 year ago||16 notes|
|Are you going to do a Matt review on the break up ep on glee?|
I’m retired, son, you can’t ask me to just get back in the game. My capslock key would need a training montage.
a) get the hell out of here with your black and white Jay-Z photo, Mike, you’re not on that level of greatness.
b) I saw this ask in my inbox (three days ago) and almost googled to figure out what episode it was in reference to, but then I came to the realization that Glee actually having a designated “break up” episode makes them a parody of themselves at this point. So if you want to laugh at stuff about Glee, you should just watch Glee.
|Posted 1 year ago||8 notes|
So let me get this right — Glee is still a thing?
|Posted 2 years ago||20 notes|
|rutherford did you see the hunger games? what do you ship|
"IS THAT A REAL QUESTION? HELL YEAH I SAW THE GODDAMN HUNGER GAMES, THAT BOOK WAS MY SHIT. I MEAN, PEETA WAS THE REASON I TOOK HOME EC FRESHMEN YEAR — I HAD TO HONE MY KITCHEN SKILLS, SON, WAS TRYING TO BAKE MY WAY INTO GETTING SOME ASS. ANYWAY, THE MOVIE WAS DOPE. I AIN’T DOWN WITH ALL THAT TEAM BULLSHIT BUT I DO HAVE A SHIP. IT’S ME AND THAT FOXY ASS REDHEAD. SHE COULD HAVE SNUCK INTO MY CAMP ANYTIME SHE WANTED."
|Posted 2 years ago||56 notes|
"FUN FACT: BERRY MADE THE SAME FACE WHEN I TOLD HER WHAT A ‘BOSTON PANCAKE' WAS. SHE THEN PRECEDED TO SLAP THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF ME. AND I WAS LIKE 'GAT DAYUM, SORRY FOR TRYING TO INTRODUCE A LITTLE EXCITEMENT INTO YO LOVE LIFE. MARRIAGE CAN GET STALE IN THE BEDROOM, I’M JUST LOOKING OUT FOR YOU AND THE GUY YOU’RE CRIPPLING YOUR FUTURE FOR. FUCK.' OKAY, HONESTLY, I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF SHE'D LET HUDSON DO IT BECAUSE THAT SHIT IS GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.”
|Posted 2 years ago||84 notes|